Do not let the darkness overtake you
Simple tips for surviving the foreboding darkness of the fall/winter seasons
Oh no, it is that time again. The time when darkness falls before we’ve even had a moment to ourselves. When we rise with the darkness and by the time our workday is complete we find ourselves facing the darkness once again. Whatever is one to do if they hope to survive this bleak annual tradition that was no doubt devised by the devil himself?
While I cannot completely save you from the darkness, I can provide you with a few tips that are bound to make the endless nights of fall and winter more bearable.
1. Face each day with a new jaunty hat (from now until spring)
This may sound simple and just a touch foolish, but have you ever considered facing each new day with a new jaunty hat? Mind you, I know this method will prove to be quite expensive, but I also find it to be most successful.
Now, I do not mean to simply start each day in a baseball cap or a fedora. Oh no, one’s hat must be jaunty—it must feature frills and foppery galore! Attend your business meeting in a jaunty blue bowler cap—visit your neighbor while wearing a sky-high top hat emblazoned with an image of your great aunt. Is there a coworker’s dinner party you hope to attend? Do so in a hat with an entire bird on it! Remember, the more jaunty the better!
Turning your formally dark days into a nonstop festival of hats is sure to fill you, as well as anyone you encounter, with joy and wonder. You’ll have everyone in town wondering “Why, what ever type of hat will they think of next?” And while you enjoy being the center of attention, you’ll have no time to lament the darkness that surrounds you.
2. Use books and magazines to escape the current reality
When all that surrounds you looks bleak, why not escape to a new, happier land by cracking open a good book? Now, while I do enjoy a good Austen novel or a bit of Whitman poetry, my true joy lies in a fine meat and cheese catalog. Oh, once I am lost in a sea of smoked havartis and summer sausages the rest of the world is no matter to me.
If you are still in search of a piece of literature to whisk you away from the present, might I suggest the Wisconsin Cheeseman periodical or a Hickory Farms holiday catalog? Year after year, these two publications are my beacon of light in the darkness.
3. Make your indoor space more inviting (with doilies!)
Along with the darkness comes the bitterly cold weather, which means that most of us will spend much of our time indoors. As we find ourselves increasingly imprisoned indoors, we must prioritize making our homes cozy, inviting spaces that fill us with comfort and warmth.
While there are many ways to enhance your home decor, the most tried and true manner is to outfit every surface with a doily. Now, I do not mean to simply place one doily here and another doily there. No—if one truly wishes to make it through winter without succumbing to the madness of cabin fever, one must place a doily on every single surface. For the sake of you and your family, ensure no surface is left untouched.
*Please note, the video below is simply a demonstration. Were the video depicting a real life scenario I would have made sure a doily was also placed atop the sofa side table.
4. If all else fails, embrace the darkness. Nay, become the darkness.
Dear friends, it is my hope that the previous tips offer you some solace in these dark times. However, I’m not so naive as to assume that this guidance provides a fitting solution for all. When all else fails and you find yourself overwhelmed by the darkest days of the season, my final piece of advice is to simply embrace the darkness around you and attempt to become one with it.
How does one do that? Well, methods will vary, but I suggest you start by dressing all in black and standing beneath the night sky. You might then look to the heavens and scream “Dark sky, fill me with your essence so that you and I may become one! Allow the spirit of autumn and winter to flow within my veins!” While I myself have not practiced this method, I can only imagine it will prove successful.
If it does not, well then other methods may include listening to dark, brooding organ music for the entirety of the season, channeling the darkness through poetry, or consuming nothing but vampiric media until you see the first signs of spring.
Dear friends, how do you deal with the unending darkness of the autumn and winter seasons? If you have any helpful tips, please do share in the comments below!
Henceforth I wish that all advice given to me be followed by the phrase, "While I myself have not practiced this method, I can only imagine it will prove successful."
I guess I need to stock up on doilies.